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My first winter in my tuition journey

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End Of Year (EOY) examinations are finally over! Whee…
 
It has been a tiring 2 months for me. I think i have accumulated close to 200 sessions in the past 2 months. Every student of mine was cramping last minute sessions. Haha.
 
I’m so thankful when the examinations ended. I celebrated by spending a relaxing week watching my favourite Pastor’s sermons, shopping in neighbourhood markets and catching up on my facials. 🙂
 
However, soon after that, fear starts to creep inside me. Some of my students does not want to continue tuition during the holidays and some of my students have graduated.
I began to browse on the internet for assignments. I am into a third relaxing or slack week now and i still have not found any new students. For a moment, I am expecting myself to slip back into my usual pessimistic mode any time. Monthly income is a very real issue. And having an analytical nature, i know the stress is coming from the deeper desire that i do not want my parents to worry about me or rather i want to look good in their eyes. This expectation crippled me at times.
 
However, i thank God for His presence and wisdom in my life.
 
“If God opens doors, who can close? And if God closes doors, who can open?”
“No weapon formed against me shall prosper.”
  
And i just decided one night, while i am laying on bed, that i will not try to look good in anyone’s eyes, except my Heavenly Father alone.
As i reflected how my Heavenly Father supply and prosper (financially, mentally, emotionally) me in the past few years, i realises that His blessings are already there, we just need to believe and humble ourselves to accept them.
 
Stress did not manage to get to me, even though I am still browsing for tuition assignments daily.
 
I know that this is just a normal winter in my tuition journey and this season will pass soon. Most importantly, God has already provided the finances/resources for this winter. I just need to walk in His plan and not try to meet my own ‘lofty’ expectations that i can show off to my parents and friends. 

I just know that i have to wait upon Him [expect, look for, and hope in Him] and we(I) shall spread my wings and soar like eagles,
we (I) run and don’t get tired,
we(I) walk and don’t lag behind. [Isaiah 40:31]

🙂